I read reddit sometimes, one of those build-your-own-news sites where people discuss links to web pages that interest them.  It also has a system for self-posting, where people talk about themselves and their lives, and ask each other questions.

I was reading the comments made to a post about a person whose supposedly rehabilitated friend died of a heroin overdose.  The commentary ranged from sympathy for his loss to debate about heroin, and I developed the impression that a number of redditors, active members of the reddit community, either are currently or were previously addicted to opiates.

A quick search through the archives seemed to confirm this, at least anecdotally.  Reddit has had many posts about opiates, their usage, methods of quitting and their effectiveness, addiction generally, and question-and-answer sessions.  A few of these posts, and several of the discussions I read, were actually pro-opiate use.

Opiates scare the hell out of me.  I am not a drug-user.  Heck, I can still remember getting tested for allergies at Kaiser when I was a child.  Some of those little needle tests left small lumps on my forearm, but one or two left very large lumps.  My allergist pointed one of them out to me and said very clearly, “I want you to remember something.  This large lump here is hemp.  You are very allergic to hemp . . . and all related plants.”

It was years before I learned why he was so emphatic, but the echo of his warning kept me away from the drug scene.  Still, I went to college in Berkeley and I performed in live casts for The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  I’ve been around my share of drug-use.  I didn’t know anyone who personally admitted to using opiates, but I knew friend-of-a-friend stories that I found frightening.

How much truth was in those stories?  I have no idea.  For my purposes in this entry, it doesn’t matter.  I’m not here to debate whether using heroin, or any opiate, is a controllable pleasure or a death sentence.

My point is that I find the idea of opiate use scary.  Tales of the all-consuming craving for the drug that can develop, of the personal sacrifices that become more and more common as the addiction builds, terrify me.  More than that, I find the so-called positive side of the drug, a singular ecstasy so intense that beside it all other pleasures seem distant and tremulous, just as awful.  But I read those posts and comments in reddit, even when they discussed some details.  Why would I do that?  Some people slow down to look at accidents.  I don’t.  Some people get a vicarious thrill from the news.  I don’t.  But I read every one of those posts and comments.

So why was I doing it?  Through reflection I’ve been able to come up with a few reasons.  One is a simple curiosity.  These people are doing hideous things to themselves on a progressive, daily basis, and I can’t help but wonder what they get out of it, what their reasons are and what ways they justify or excuse their behavior.

There’s more to it than that, though, and I think this approaches some of the reasons I write.  Why I write is a topic deep enough for at least one post of its own, but part of the answer is to explore the human experience.  It would be easy for me to write about heroic characters whose stories need not touch on the disasters and horrors that can be found in real life.  Such stories certainly have their place, and I may tell a few of those now and again.  But that’s not all I want to write.

I’m not going to wax poetic about lofty goals and the role of art, or anything like that.  I simply want options.  Not every character has to save the world; some people have to face personal problems the like of which I never, ever want to experience.  To write about those people, much less to do it well, I need to understand them.  It doesn’t matter if they are politicians, fighter pilots, or heroin junkies.

Does this mean I want to write about a heroin junkie?  Not necessarily, although I won’t rule it out.  But addiction, compulsion and self-destructive behavior have been around as long as there have been people.  If I can understand this behavior, I can create deeper, more realistic characters and more involving fiction.  Everything a writer sees, hears, smells, tastes, touches and reads can be drawn on for writing material.  The broader the scope, the broader the potential subjects.

But there are many things to read in this world, many ways to expand one’s available resources.  Why read something disturbing?  Because anything that affects one emotionally also provides a clue about how to affect a reader.  That’s worth studying on its own.

Liked it? Take a second to support Stefon on Patreon!